Best man speech
Speech I gave for my buddy Sachin and seems he loved it. Sharing in case it helps some bro to piece together something in the last minute.
About the groom
I have known Sachin about half of my life. And I truly regret a half. If you are wondering which half, then either you don’t know Sachin enough or you are at the wrong wedding.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they meet their soulmate. the person that’s going to know and love them for the rest of their lives. That moment came for Sachin… when he met me in college.
See Sachin doesn’t make friends like a normal person. He will come into your life and settle there like a bulldozer. Like how he came to my college room, kicked my roommate out and occupied the place.
Sachin was always good at finding the needle in a haystack. He read the Steve Jobs biography and all he took from the book was that Jobs did LSD.
Being with Sachin, I couldn’t help but share his love for Pink Floyd, Coffee, Nature, Podcasts and Nassim Taleb, a bald 60 year old white uncle.
With a friend like Sachin, you will have a lot of firsts. I had my first beer, first joint, first trip. Even my first startup.
Sachin, I’ve never told you this before but man there are some firsts I would rather have with a certain someone else.
About the bride
Ananya, I knew Sachin was in love the first time he told me about you. Sachin is usually coy about his dating life. But when he told me about you. It was Ananya this. Ananya that. So much Ananya. I thought for a moment, did I change my name to Ananya?
After a few months of dating, he finally arranged for me to meet her.
Ananya and I bonded over our admiration for sticking with Sachin so that one day, we can finish our script and make our own Netflix comedy special.
After dinner, Sachin did something that made me realize he was ready for married life. He kept his shirt on.
Ananya, welcome to the family. As his ex-roommate, I commend your courage to move in with him.
If it wasn’t for you, I was convinced he would end up with Nassim Taleb.
Closing
Sachin paid good money to keep this toast short. So I am going to end this toast with a quick story and sell the unfiltered version later at night.
A week ago, I told Sachin that I will be heading to BLR and I might crash at his place. Then he asked me the one thing he NEVER EVER asked. His voice was shaking and I could sense he was nervous. He asked me… to keep the place clean.
Ananya, you found a way to domesticate this hairy beast. I’m proud of you.
Sachin, I am beyond excited to see you learn where the wet towel goes, what the right way to fold the comforter is, and why your feet cannot be on the table.
Honestly though, thanks for bulldozing into my life and always having my back.
I can't imagine what my life would have looked like without you.
I love you.
Ones that didn’t make the cut:
And I saw things change in him. A robot with no planning chip in his brain sent me a spreadsheet to plan for this wedding. I opened the spreadsheet to see 100 red cells with unfinished tasks.
As his friend for the longest time, I think it’s my responsibility to warn Ananya. So Ananya, this is like how government sends thunderbolt warnings and tsunami alerts.
If not for being civil, I would have branded it on my forehead, beat my chest and ran around like a warrior. Or a slave. However you want to see it.
And I have to be honest. I had a hard time thinking of good civil Sachin stories to tell, but I am going to try
Apparently he left the house for a week without taking the trash out and Ananya walked out of the house.
So Ananya, you better be sure tomorrow, because he is not moving anywhere.
Sachin and I had been roommates, friends and brothers for way too long. But, I wouldn’t change one thing about it. Except maybe having Sachin wear shirts and bigger boxers. With that in perspective, Sachin and Ananya, you guys are looking amazing. I haven’t seen him dress so nice.
So as a person who lived so much life with you, Sachin, THANK GOD you found someone. I won’t be missing you.
So as a person who spent good amount of time bearing Sachin, when he went missing from the radar couple years ago, I thought he was kidnapped and DAMN DID I PARTY.
In life there are two types of people. First. People who procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute, like myself with this speech. And then there’s the second type of people. Like Sachin. The kind that keep you on your toes and do everything in their power to make sure you are not productive AT ALL. That’s Sachin.
He knows almost all of my secrets in and out. And vice versa. Now you know the real reason why Sachin is sweating, now that I have a mic with me.
Sachin bribed me a huge amount to keep this speech civil.
14 years! Damn. I am really proud of that achievement.
He’s like a weird mix of a painful pimple / or something and a chilled beer that you don’t love having on you. But you also can’t live without it.
He had this strange obsession with MMA and he was always ready to take up a fist to fight me. It is strange, because all it takes to make him cry like a baby is to simply tickle him.
Bonding over chai, movies, food is for simpletons.
I am glad he likes you enough that he talks about it less and stays in middle of us today. And mostly thanks for making him happy in a way I never could.
Thanks for keeping this farmer life dreaming nomad in middle of us today.
Ananya, welcome to the family. I know YOUR love for him is real. Enough that you moved in with him. Something I ran away from the first chance I got.
I can't even imagine how my life would have turned out without you having my back. And even though our lives took us to different cities and countries. Damn I wish we can have our years again.
And with that, join me in raising your glasses. For Sachin and Ananya. I wish you nothing but the ridiculously best of the best for the rest of your lives.
